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New beginnings

Yes, I’m back.  In May of last year, my email account was hacked, and I literally lost my online identity.  My emails, my Facebook and my blog were suddenly just gone.  It’s an eerie feeling, almost like being erased.  I wasn’t going to restart my Facebook, mainly because I have the ability to lose hours of time on there, but I found myself desperately needing to, for the oddest reason.  On Dan’s profile, it used to say “Married to Cyndi Maloy”.  That went away when my Facebook went away, and it bothered me.  Greatly.  Suddenly, he was just “married”.  To some unknown person.  I had to put myself back in that place.  When I restarted Facebook, I had to add friends all over again.  I quickly realized that this was a bit of a new beginning.

As I was contemplating re-starting my blog, I went to the old blog site, and low and behold, not only was MY blog gone, but the whole blog thingy itself had disappeared.  I don’t think that it had anything to do with my issues-I’m sure it would have happened anyway.  Discovering that made me realize that I really could start completely over, and it would be OK.

I’m still me.  There are a lot of things that haven’t changed.  I still live in Ecuador-some days happily and some days because there are no flights out of here that fit my budget.  Fortunately those days are rare.  I still work at the Alliance Academy, in the library.  For someone with a word addiction, it really is the perfect job.  My Spanish is still mediocre and I am still debating whether or not I really care what my house looks like.  We still have three dogs, but the cat has moved on to better accommodations, outside the city where she can climb trees and catch mice.  The neurotic hamster died, but we still have the neurotic dog, so there is a balance.  Dan has made dire threats if I bring anything else into the house that requires nourishment, so I’ve decided not to push the issue.

Parts of me have changed.  Or wanted to.  In July of last year, I turned 41.  Turning 40 didn’t bother me, but 41 kind of undid me.  I took a good look at who I am, and began to wonder if it was who I wanted to be.  (Before you panic, I’m not deserting Dan and the children to run off and find myself on the top of some mountain somewhere.  I’ll do my soul-searching on the couch.)  There are parts of me that I’m OK with.  I’ve come to grips with my weight (I’m leaning on the fact that this body is a temple to the Lord.  If He wants me to lose weight, it will become a lot easier, and will involve chocolate.)  I finally got my college degree, twenty some years after leaving for all of the wrong…and right…reasons.  I’m about to finish a Master’s degree in Special Education.  I have a great marriage to a great man.  Those of you who knew me 15 years ago know that this is a miracle of Biblical proportions.  I have great kids, though I tend to attribute this to the work of the Lord rather than anything I’ve specifically done.  Those are things that, for right now, are OK.

Some things aren’t OK.  I’m a grouch.  There are lots of things I could attribute this to, but the bottom line is…I’m a grouch.  I get frustrated when things don’t go my way.  Sometimes I get frustrated when they do.  You see the problem here.  I need to be more flexible.  One would think that, as a missionary, flexibility would be my middle name.  One would be wrong.  I spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think of me.  My identity should be in the Lord.  My heart knows this…my head hasn’t caught up yet.  I have spent the last 41+ years trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, and I’ve never figured out who I wanted to be.  I decided that this year I would focus on finding out who I am in Christ, rather than who I am in the world.  Not that I don’t care what people think anymore (Some miracles are really too much to ask for 🙂 but I’m trying desperately not to dwell on it.  I have also come to grips with the fact that I am pretty much a card-carrying introvert.  I realize that I was born this way, and that I will probably never be anything close to an extrovert, but I am trying to be a little more social and dispel the unnecessary rumors about my mental state.  I’ll probably always prefer the solitude of my own thoughts, and I’m learning to believe that since the Lord created me that way, it must be OK, but I can stick my head out of my shell occasionally and greet the world.

I will use this blog to keep you updated on our ministry, and our lives, and the funny things that happen in our world.  The only way I maintain even a tentative grip on my sanity is to laugh, so if I put something on here and you’re horrified because it doesn’t seem at all funny, please remember that I look at the world through a different filter.  I can either laugh, or end up sitting in the corner decorating pillowcases at the Home for the Bewildered.  At least for now, I’ll choose laughter.

“On your feet now—applaud God! Bring a gift of laughter, sing yourselves into his presence.” Psalm 100:1 (The Message)

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About findingcyndi

I am a writer, reader, lover of words. I maintain a passionate love affair with a good cup of coffee--milk, not creamer. I am married to Dan, my best friend and soul-mate. Mom to Daniel, Heather, Kristina and Patrick. Daughter of the King of Kings. Connoisseur of humor...the drier the better. Full time student, full time mom, full time wife, full time missionary, full time librarian...full time loopy. I love jazz music and dark chocolate, antiques and Audrey Hepburn movies.

9 responses »

  1. I actually read the whole thing. I loved it and it is great insight into the heart and mind of someone living an intentional life for an intentional Lord! Thanks for sharing! (I went through the account creation process just to leave this comment, so I really mean it!)

    Reply
  2. Hurrah, you’re back! This whole post makes me want to high-five you, but these two bits especially:
    “I’m leaning on the fact that this body is a temple to the Lord. If He wants me to lose weight, it will become a lot easier, and will involve chocolate.”
    and
    “I’m learning to believe that since the Lord created me that way, it must be OK.”
    Such simple, profound statements. I’m so glad you’re writing again!

    Reply
  3. If my textbooks were as well written as anything that you write…I would actually be doing my homework and not replying to your blog!! You amaze me with words.
    I love who you are – even the grouchy side – because you are honest and I appreciate that!
    May I have permission to send you info on our identities, every once in a while?
    Keep sharing yourself with us here –

    Reply
  4. I can honestly say I’m super excited you’re doing this. Everything you write I love. No pressure or anything, but I think you are hysterical! Keep it coming.

    Reply
  5. Oh, one more thing. Your blog title…awesome on so many levels!

    Reply
  6. YAY – Cyndi is back!!! I was tired of checking that other blog! I need to steal some of your lines!!! love ya!

    Reply

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